When patriarchy and headship come up while men are quick to affirm it’s truth, we often fail at implementation in our homes. None of us will disagree with patriarchy as a concept, but in our application and teaching of it, the concept is generally watered down so it’s almost meaningless.
Each time patriarchy is mentioned, there is a desire to counterbalance it to avoid chauvinism. We affirm the man is in charge, we recognize he’s responsible and that he can establish rules. But when it comes down to what it means in practice, the examples that come up are of abuses of patriarchy and what it “is not” versus teaching exactly how much authority a man has as a patriarch. Before we get into the meat of this article, take a moment to read Numbers chapter 30. Notice that if a man who has mastered a woman annuls her vow, even if he misses the “day he hears it” deadline, the responsibility of that vow is on him, not her. If she makes a vow to The Most High, her vow still falls under his authority.
Men, this is huge! Your mastery of your woman extends to her spiritual life, don’t sell yourself short by watering down what your authority means. Peter already did all the watering down that’s needed when he warned us not to be harsh with our women or our prayers would not be heard. We don’t need an exhaustive discussion of what it means to be harsh with our women, we need teaching on what it means to master them properly, so that’s where we are headed. Don’t be the bedroom top, don’t be a dom and for heaven’s sake don’t be a partner. Let’s talk about three key aspects of what it means to be the master in your home.
A master doesn’t hesitate to take control, make decisions or take charge. Master’s don’t wait around for things to play out. They aren’t seeking a consensus before making a decision, and they aren’t waiting for conditions to be “just right” before they act. Masters know what to do, they are sure of themselves and have the practical experience and applied knowledge of headship to make decisions affecting them and their families without hesitation. They will act to protect their family, correct problems that arise and lead where The Most High is calling them without hesitation.
A master solves problems as they arise, he doesn’t wait around for solutions or rely on someone else to solve the problem for him. The master recognizes his responsibility for those under his authority, he steps up to the plate to handle things as they happen and take the stress off of those he is in authority over.
Your subordinates knowing that you can and will handle situations as they arise, that you are cool under pressure and you’ve got it so they don’t have to. A master has the experience to start solving problems right away and interpose himself between his household and the chaos so they can restore peace to their home. A master takes control of things as they happen. Everyone knows who’s in charge in the house, it’s apparent that he runs the show.
He’s established the rules, he enforces the rules and maintains order in the household. There is no argument, what he says isn’t debated, negotiated and hated. The master’s word is law and the house operates according to it, but half the time he doesn’t even need to say anything for his will to be obeyed. While the chaos of the world around is ever present, in the masters home he is firmly in control of it.
The master is the king of his castle and everybody knows, they bow in his presence, they fear his might cause they know for sure he is in command. He shuts down the conflict, orders his home and leaves no room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation in his commands.
The woman will naturally love her master, yes there are things he does to “spice it up” and bring the romance, but a women desire a master. They revel in his headship and the control he has, knowing that control is their security. If he can master her, he can master the world around and protect her from it.
Understanding patriarchy and being a dominant man is one thing. You have the rules in place, but your dominance is generally limited to those rules. A partner isn’t truly leading, he’s just the tie breaker when it comes down to it, otherwise it’s a democracy. A top shows his dominance from time to time to get her warmed up or because she finds it sexy when he does.
Dominance is a game to a top, it’s his way of wooing his woman and keeping her attention. His discipline isn’t truly corrective, his authority isn’t factual and he’s not leading the family down a path.
Domestic discipline is just a means to holding what little authority he has, and he’s playing at it. A Dom is the leader of a republic, he’s just enforcing a few rules to keep things running. While a Dom has authority, he’s not fully in control of his house. There’s rules and accountability, he disciplines and guides but he’s not ruling the house, he’s just maintaining what little order there is.
The master is the sovereign of his castle. He rules the home, makes the tough calls and owns the responsibility of them. Everyone knows he’s the barrier between them and the world around. Whatever is thrown at him, he handles. He’s not just “faking till he makes it”, he isn’t seeking to please everyone, he makes the decision he knows will be best, orders it and it is done. If there’s any hiccups on the way, he addresses them and moves the family along.
The more you take charge, the more she will submit. When you show mastery, she revels in the security it provides. Woman doesn’t want to be in control, she doesn’t want to doubt you, she doesn’t want you to do what she says or allow her to pull the strings behind the curtain. She wants to know you are the undisputed head of your home and she will be accountable to you. You will keep her in order and provide a safe environment for her to assist and serve you, she doesn’t have to worry about what’s on your plate, you handle that so she can focus on what you give her to do.
We see this type of mastery from Abraham in scripture. The Most High came to him and said “go” and he went and took his household with him. There was no debate, no discussion and consensus among his woman and servants is recorded. It says simply The Most High said to Abraham “arise and go” and that then Abraham arose and went.
I’m sure there were plenty of challenges with that move, heck I’m just moving one woman and three kids across the country and we’ve encountered our fair share of challenges in the process I can only imagine what Abraham had to deal with moving his household three times the distance I’m moving mine.
In the original Hebrew in the Genesis 20 story of when Abimelech took Sarah, Abraham’s woman, when The Most High prevented him from committing adultery with her, there is a reason her “marriage” was described saying “she has been Mastered”.